Category: Musings

All those “patriots”, the “my charter of rights is being infringed upon” crowd. The ones who are living the dream yet think they’re somehow oppressed. The ones who couldn’t pass a grade 6 math or science test. The ones who bitch about a 2% tax increase when inflation has gone up 20% since the last one. The kinds of people who would line up for a $20 bill handed to them by a politician, but never for a fucking second stop to think about where that politician is getting all that money from.

Ya, you. Listen the fuck up.

This is a beer ad, from March 2000. If you’re over 35 years old, you absolutely remember it. The thing was as viral as anything could be 26 years ago. Remember absolutely fucking loving this commercial? Saying “fuck ya”? Well.. listen to it again… JOSH

“I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing.
Diversity, not assimilation.”

You sure loved true Canadian values back then, so why is it that you fight against those same values today? You claim you’re fighting for the country, but what you’re really fighting for is to keep your upper hand on society. When you realized that others were possibly getting the same privileges you already enjoy, you felt threatened. Your “way of life” was imposed upon. So much for diversity, not assimilation, eh….. STACEY

When the entire fucking world is deeply worried for our (currently very) shitty neighbours to the south, and Americans are being shunned everywhere they go, why is it that you want to adopt the policies that put them there? Have you ever heard of the lore that if a Canadian visits Europe and has a small Canadian flag on their backpack, they’re typically loved? Do you know why? Any clue?

We were the ones that helped save Europe, and simply said “we are doing what’s best for the world, no thanks required”. We were the ones that made Vimy Ridge (1917) and The Last Hundred Days (1918) possible. We broke through. We were there in Dieppe (1942) as the first to truly test the resistance and took insane losses all so D-Day could actually be a success. And we were at D-Day. We took Juno Beach and pushed inland further than any other offensive. We did this, and we never fucking asked for a thing. We knew we were saving the world. So, why is it that you suddenly don’t give a rats ass about the rest of the world, and cry when literally $80 of the many thousands of dollars you pay a year in taxes is used to help Europe fight off the fucking Russians… Tell me that, GREG, you fucking loser who thinks he’s tough because he’s shot a few guns and wears para-cord on his wrist.

You’ve never even sniffed war, and if you did, you’d shit those pants of yours just like so many of the rest of us would. You’re just way too self involved to take a second to think about what it’s _actually_ like for innocent people being mascaraed. What if that was your best friend who went to the hospital for a broken thumb, but then got killed by a bomb that got dropped on a fucking hospital? Would you be upset then? What if that was your brother, who was minding his own fucking business standing in his kitchen making dinner when a fucking Russian Iskander ballistic missile blew up his apartment complex and murdered him along with a shitload of his neighbours, too? Would you care then? What if it was your wife and teenage daughter who were at home when the IDF kicked in the door and raped them both at gunpoint, then murdered them? Would you care then? Would you be upset… Eh? CAROL?

The biggest problem Canada is facing is a bunch of fugazi “patriots”.

The leafiest thing to do is not only fuck the dog so bad you miss the playoffs, but then somehow not screw the last leg of your season bad enough that you manage to win yourself out of getting a top 5 pick in the first round.

This team is so pathetic.

Might be time to pack it up after 40-some-odd years and start cheering for the Oilers, or maybe even the Jets.

What kind of fucked up people have “gender reveal parties”. Seriously. What the hell is this stuff? You’re literally “celebrating” if your unborn child has a penis or vagina. Why are you celebrating unborn genitals? How fucking weird and perverted is this?

What if I threw a party all about my daughter’s vagina. Where we all gathered around, and drank alcohol, had some appetizers, and talked about my infant daughter’s vagina. That’d be weird, right? You’d be concerned about why I’m throwing a party to talk about an infant child’s genitals, right? One might even want to look into if I’m a child sex predator – you know, because I’m TALKING ABOUT AN INFANT’S GENITALS.

Yet, millions of people a year seem to just LOVE these parties.

Personally, my favourite is when they set up some super elaborate thing to blow up and spray blue or pink whatever into the atmosphere. Then, it all goes horribly wrong, and someone ends up dead. Frankly, that’s one less idiot on this earth.

Hey Earl! Let’s make a 50lb home-made bomb, with absolutely no knowledge or training around explosives, then we’ll set it off. Reminds me of the Simpson’s bit – celebrate your nation’s independence by blowing up a small part of it.

I swear, you’ll never catch me at one of these fucking things.

• $5 footlongs
• Video game demos in stores
• Cereal with toys inside
• Friday night trips to Blockbuster video
• Radioshack
• Pizza Hut buffet
• MuchMusic actually playing music videos
• $0.25 wing night
• Privacy

I’ve been thinking. Statistically speaking, it’s conservative men who are the most likely to commit sexual assault on women, and are the most likely to molest children. Double that for Christian men.

Maybe it’s time that we get separate washrooms just for conservative men, because I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with these sexual predators in the same washroom as young boys.

So, basically there’s this app called Stava which maps your runs. Some dude on a French aircraft carrier decided to go for a jog on the deck, and it more or less mapped his run. In the middle of the ocean.

But, what’s most concerning here is that a journalist was able to uncover this. Publicly.

Now, this really isn’t a matter of national security as let’s be honest, all major military powers worldwide have adversary ships tracked down to the inch across the world at any given time. But, what about the average person. You know.. that cute girl down the street? Who goes for a run past your house all the time? Who you start to stalk on the Strava app, without her knowing? And now you know whenever she’s out and about and what she’s doing? Yup. Nothing creepy about that.

Protect your privacy people. Block these bullshit apps. Stop relying on these “free” features so you can play some bullshit exercise game where you compare your runs with your friends. It’s not worth it, because somehow, someway, all of these companies get cracked – someone finds a loophole to extract your data. And if it’s not hackers across the Internet, it’s the company themselves doing nefarious shit with your personal data, selling it to god-only-knows-who, but most certainly your insurance company.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Shut this shit down. This is ruining the world.

If you’re not caught up to speed, remember Afroman? The guy who made that track “Because I Got High”? Well, cut to the chase, a bunch of officers raided his house and found absolutely nothing illegal inside. While they were there, they stole a bunch of cash and ate some of his cake off his counter.

How do we know this? Afroman had security cameras all over his house. He then took the footage from the security cameras and made a music video about it all.

But get this. Then the sheriff’s office sued him saying he couldn’t use his own security footage and point out that they were corrupt, and the fact he pointed out they stole money and cake from him has caused them “irreparable harm to their reputation”.

Suddenly “law enforcement” is “feelings enforcement”. It ain’t a crime to hurt your feelings, bitch. Ain’t it amazing how you have absolutely no remorse for violating people’s human rights but the moment someone uses their own personal security camera footage that makes you look like an absolutely fucking idiot (because you are), suddenly you’re this fragile little snowflake who needs to be wrapped in a warm blanket and sung a nappy time song.

In most things, I couldn’t care less about who wins but more than anything, I just root for the USA to lose.