Local Jackass

Vegas is dying, and I for one am personally happy. Never been, never want to go, never understood why people would ever want to.

The epicentre of bullshit and all that is disgusting with the world.

Ever just wanted to say fuck it all, run off to Vegas and become an Elvis impersonator wedding officiant? I’d do it, but I think the wig would be really uncomfortable.

Isn’t it wild that when you speak out against racism, or sexism, or equal rights, people get upset as if you’re talking shit about Canada or the USA – because they’re “proud patriots”.

It’s almost like racism, sexism, and discrimination is built into the very fabric of these countries and that’s what right wing politics is trying to bring back into style. They’re cheering for it.

Apparently fucking children is acceptable now, as long as the child molesters hate the same people you hate.

I really hope I live long enough to see this shit get corrected and the people responsible pay the price for their actions. Sadly, I’m more of a pessimist on this one, and frankly I see it getting worse. The rise of AI is possibly one of the worst things to happen since the rot of social media.

But, a bunch of rich as fuck tech bros are making mad cash right now, so fuck society because they’re building the future, right?

Let me tell you a little story about Christianity and me, particularly when I realized the entire thing is bullshit.

Late 80’s, my “best-friend” was a kid who lived a couple doors down, . His family (we’ll call them the Smiths) were deeply Christian; the kind of family who went to church every Sunday. By and large, they were your typical suburban middle-class white family. 4 kids (older daughter, son who was my age, daughter my brother’s age, and a toddler daughter), along with a marriage where the parents just avoided one another instead of getting divorced.

The neighbourhood kids were playing hide & seek in their house. Some argument happened and I yelled out “oh my god!”. The mother ripped me aside, sat me down, and sternly said “We do not take the lord’s name in vain in this house!”. I had no idea what it meant, or why. Needless to say, I was raised anything but religious. But, I respected their wises as it was their house after all.

On Friday evenings their church held something called “Friday nighters” which was effectively a youth group that brainwashed kids. The two middle kids along with my brother and I would go to this youth group as it was a chance to play games with our friends. We’d play manhunt, dodgeball, and other activities in the church. For me at 9 or 10 years old, and being fairly athletic (at the time, anyways), this was a ton of fun as I dominated most of the sports/games.

But, one thing always rubbed me the wrong way. We always had to pray before and after activities. It always felt creepy, or just… wrong. I’d open my eyes and look around to see one or two other kids with their eyes open, we’d stare at one another with this look of “you believing this shit either”? We never spoke a word of it.

After a couple weeks of attending, they gave me an honourary children’s bible. Inside the cover they wrote something along the lines of “let this book guide you in life to find god” or something as equally cult-like. There was this whole “ceremony” where the kids all sat in a circle and they brought me up, they sang a song, and welcomed me “to the family”. I fucking hated it.

I kept that bible on my shelf for a while. I read a few pages thinking “this is a good thing, I should be a good person, and good people read the bible”. I LOVED reading at the time, and I’d go through dozens of books a month (kids books, let’s be honest). But, the bible was just horrible. It was like homework reading that thing. I don’t think I got through more than 10 pages before putting it down because it felt like – even at 10 years old – like I was being controlled or told what to do. It rubbed me the wrong way. I couldn’t put my finger on it at that age, but looking back, I was right – I just couldn’t articulate it in my young age.

I put the bible back on the shelf knowing I’d never read it again, but kept it in plain sight so when my friend came over he’d see it there. Said friend asked me if I was reading it from time to time and I’d lie saying “yes, a bit here and there”. Sometimes when I knew he was coming over I’d take it off the shelf and leave it on my desk, moving the bookmark deeper into the book from time to time, pretending like I was still reading. Looking back, it was like he was trying to pull me in. Those moments felt so forced.

After a couple years I was reaching the age of 13 and about to graduate into high school. My parents were fighting daily and on the brink of divorce. My father was (is) an abusive asshole, where-as my mother, my brother and I were consistently victims of his rage. There’s one evening I remember vividly where the Smith’s mother was called over to our house to “mediate” some fight between my parents. We all sat in the living room as she tried to be the voice of reason for my insane father. Needless to say, it never worked. But the one thing that stuck with me was she pulled my brother and I aside and said “you need to go to your rooms and pray for your family. Talk to the lord and he will guide you, he will protect you”. Again, it felt so damn creepy and controlling, but I think I tried – at least once. Shockingly, that sure as shit didn’t work and my father continued his abusive nature.

Within a few days of that little “mediation session” I saw my bible on the shelf and thought “this is bullshit”. I was scared to throw this thing out because I’d probably burn in hell for eternity for doing so, or just drop dead the moment it hit the trash, but I figured what did I have to loose. I chucked it. Of course, nothing happened.

Fast forward, I’m in my 30’s. I’m actively dating and I meet this woman – we’ll call her Sarah. We got along well, yet she lived an hour or so away. She’d visit from time to time and we’d have our fun. I woke up one morning and she’d already left as she had early commitments. I found a note on my counter she’d left – thanking me for a great evening, and saying she would pray that I’d have a good week. It was sweet, but it took me back to that place of my childhood. I knew she was a Christian, but frankly I didn’t care all that much as it was her choice and this connection wasn’t going to go beyond a casual thing.

Sarah and I kept in contact, albeit less and less as time went on. Her father was a firefighter, but had died a few years earlier. At one point she told me “I’m seeing someone, so it’s not appropriate for me to visit”. I wished her well, and asked her how it was going. What she said next floored me. Apparently she (at the time being early 30’s) was now dating a 55 year old man. Odd, but she’s a grown woman who can make her own choices, so whatever. But, this man was her father’s best friend. She went on to tell me “how god brought them together” and this union between them was an act of god honouring her father.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Anyways, this creepy fuck put a baby in her, then left her when she got knocked up. I still see her on the dating apps from time to time and it looks like she’s got 3 kids now, all from different fathers. She’s still “a god fearing woman” which is right in her little dating bio, and I laugh each time I see it. Just another form of control.

So, moving to present day, 2026, and god is now the excuse and reason for Nazi bullshit, and people just suck it up like it’s the last drips of water from a canteen in the desert.

I wonder if those televangelists on TV are still doing their grifts, selling bottles of holy water and whatnot. Sometimes I think I should start selling religious bullshit trinkets that are worthless at a steep markup to fleece some of these fucking morons. I’m already going to hell, may as well make some money while I’m still above the ground, am I right?

I thought hip hop was about telling history. Not a whole lot from these millionaire rappers about fascism taking over, is there? I’ve held cotton balls with more of a backbone.