Category: Musings

Remember how 9/11 happened and everyone was “never forget”? Well, really, how much do you remember? Do you even care anymore? The reality is, no, you don’t. There’s barely even a thought outside of “oh shit, it’s Sept 11th? Shit, that means winter is coming soon, better get out the hoodies and long pants”.

In the same way that Remembrance Day is basically not even a thing anymore. In America alone there were nearly 17 million people who served, and there’s about 40,000 still alive. That number is expected to be under 1000 in a few years. But, I’m in Canada, so let’s talk about that. There were about 1.1 million who served in World War II, which was about 10% of the Canadian population at the time. Of that, about 45,000 of them died while serving. There’s about 3600 of them left, give or take 3000 men, and 600 women, which is less than 0.3%. The average age of these veterans is 100 years old. They are dying at a rate of a few hundred a month, leaving us with no remaining WWII vets real damn soon. What is rememberence day outside of “oh, there’s sometimes a moment of silence”. In school, we used to go to the gym for an assembly and we’d listen to Flander’s Field, and there’d be a trumpet. That doesn’t happen anymore – we’re too focused on “Gotta learn as much as we can! No time for assemblies!”. We’ve basically forgotten about World War II which was 80 years ago. And, we’ve largely forgotten about 9/11 which was only 25 years ago.

Remember when the Panama Papers were published and we learned all these Millionaires and Billionaires were dodging trillions in taxes by moving their money overseas? Remember when a ton of them were convicted and jailed over these fucking ridiculous financial crimes? Me either – that’s because it never happened.

Remember when the 2008 housing market crash happened because of a fuckload of super corrupt bankers and stock market pricks? Then, remember when a bunch of them went to jail for their crimes? Ya, me either because that also didn’t happen – instead, we blamed it all on Teachers, Nurses, and Immigrants.

Remember when the Epstein files dropped a while back and everyone was up in arms? Remember when a bunch of people went to jail for it? Ya – me either, because none of that is happening either. Rapist pedophile Prince Andrew is basically a free man, but has been “shunned” from the Royal Family – but let’s be honest, that’s just for optics. They fucking murdered Princess Diana, so why not just sweep some child raping under the couch too.

Trump? Naw, he’s going to die a free man, and a billionaire – all from ill gotten gains and a fucking boatload of financial crimes that is the makings of a Bernie Madoff wet dream. Gizz shot Maxwell is in a country club, and there’s hundreds, possibly thousands of women who have been sexually abused by these fucking monsters all having to live their lives with no justice. What about all the money Epstein had? Where’s all that? No restitution paid to the survivors. What about the teenage girls who were murdered by these fucks? Nothing. What about the teenage girls who were forced into abortions, or had their newborn babies murdered? Yup. Nothing. What about the report that Trump was on a boat when their drown a newborn baby from one of the teenage girls who was repeatedly raped? Yup, nothing again.

We’re going to forget the Epstein files just like we forgot the housing crash, just like we forgot the Panama Papers, just like we forget Iran Contra, just like we forgot Iraq, just like we forgot 9/11, just like we forgot MK Ultra, just like we forgot residential schools, just like we forgot how the Catholic Church is basically a pedophile ring, just like we forgot Vietnam, just like we forgot the insane injustices forced upon the natives in both Canada and the USA, just like we forgot how many of our grandparents and great grandparents fought the Nazis to protect the world from fascism, and are now cheering it on like it’s some sort of new TikTok trend.

We’re going to forget, because we’re fucking idiots.

Let’s defund education some more. That’ll fix this.

I’m shocked there aren’t more people just going to walmart, setting up some picnic chairs, cracking a beer and watching the White Trash Olympics.

You’re a young kid. You start walking at 9 months old, way ahead of other infants, and you’re oddly really stable on your feet. The next week your parents decide it’d be fun to put some skates on you and see if you can stand on ice. You shock everyone and you can even slide along the ice without falling. Absolutely incredible.

By the time you’re 5, you’re dominating the hockey league. You can skate like nobody else. Faster, longer, pure speed. But, as you get older, you simply don’t grow beyond 5’9. You’re an absolute superstar, but you just don’t have the size. But godddamm can you skate.

So, you take up speed skating. You take to it like Donald Trump to a new grift. You train in special programs, and by the time you’re 16, it’s clear you’re going somewhere with this. Like, world class good. Your training goes into overdrive. You live at the rink, training, every single fucking day after school and for hours on weekends. You’ve absolutely mastered the sport.

Now you’re at the Olympics. You dominate through the preliminaries. You’re a gold medal favourite. And, that’s when the Gold medal race begins. You whip out to an incredible start, but there’s this one other competitor who’s keeping stride with you. The two of you are miles ahead of the pack and setting records on each lap. Pure dominance.

It’s the final stretch, and the two of you go all out in the last 400m. It’s neck and neck. One out in front, then the other, with barely even inches between the two of you. That’s when disaster hits. You get that VERY familiar feeling of “OH GOD, I need to take a shit RIGHT NOW”. You lose by 0.01 seconds. ONE ONE-HUNDRETH OF A SECOND. Why? Because for just a split second you thought about your colon over what was happening and lost that 1 inch lead you had.

Here’s the kicker. That was an all-time world record that was set. You’re literally the second best person in the whole fucking history of the entire damn world, and you’re literally 1/100th of a second away from being the absolutely best ever.

Imagine that. That’s gotta suck SO bad.

That’s why I always take a good poop before I do anything important. You never know when you’ll be in a gold medal speed skating race.

Thomas Balgartner made jungle… woah.

All those “patriots”, the “my charter of rights is being infringed upon” crowd. The ones who are living the dream yet think they’re somehow oppressed. The ones who couldn’t pass a grade 6 math or science test. The ones who bitch about a 2% tax increase when inflation has gone up 20% since the last one. The kinds of people who would line up for a $20 bill handed to them by a politician, but never for a fucking second stop to think about where that politician is getting all that money from.

Ya, you. Listen the fuck up.

This is a beer ad, from March 2000. If you’re over 35 years old, you absolutely remember it. The thing was as viral as anything could be 26 years ago. Remember absolutely fucking loving this commercial? Saying “fuck ya”? Well.. listen to it again… JOSH

“I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing.
Diversity, not assimilation.”

You sure loved true Canadian values back then, so why is it that you fight against those same values today? You claim you’re fighting for the country, but what you’re really fighting for is to keep your upper hand on society. When you realized that others were possibly getting the same privileges you already enjoy, you felt threatened. Your “way of life” was imposed upon. So much for diversity, not assimilation, eh….. STACEY

When the entire fucking world is deeply worried for our (currently very) shitty neighbours to the south, and Americans are being shunned everywhere they go, why is it that you want to adopt the policies that put them there? Have you ever heard of the lore that if a Canadian visits Europe and has a small Canadian flag on their backpack, they’re typically loved? Do you know why? Any clue?

We were the ones that helped save Europe, and simply said “we are doing what’s best for the world, no thanks required”. We were the ones that made Vimy Ridge (1917) and The Last Hundred Days (1918) possible. We broke through. We were there in Dieppe (1942) as the first to truly test the resistance and took insane losses all so D-Day could actually be a success. And we were at D-Day. We took Juno Beach and pushed inland further than any other offensive. We did this, and we never fucking asked for a thing. We knew we were saving the world. So, why is it that you suddenly don’t give a rats ass about the rest of the world, and cry when literally $80 of the many thousands of dollars you pay a year in taxes is used to help Europe fight off the fucking Russians… Tell me that, GREG, you fucking loser who thinks he’s tough because he’s shot a few guns and wears para-cord on his wrist.

You’ve never even sniffed war, and if you did, you’d shit those pants of yours just like so many of the rest of us would. You’re just way too self involved to take a second to think about what it’s _actually_ like for innocent people being mascaraed. What if that was your best friend who went to the hospital for a broken thumb, but then got killed by a bomb that got dropped on a fucking hospital? Would you be upset then? What if that was your brother, who was minding his own fucking business standing in his kitchen making dinner when a fucking Russian Iskander ballistic missile blew up his apartment complex and murdered him along with a shitload of his neighbours, too? Would you care then? What if it was your wife and teenage daughter who were at home when the IDF kicked in the door and raped them both at gunpoint, then murdered them? Would you care then? Would you be upset… Eh? CAROL?

The biggest problem Canada is facing is a bunch of fugazi “patriots”.

The leafiest thing to do is not only fuck the dog so bad you miss the playoffs, but then somehow not screw the last leg of your season bad enough that you manage to win yourself out of getting a top 5 pick in the first round.

This team is so pathetic.

Might be time to pack it up after 40-some-odd years and start cheering for the Oilers, or maybe even the Jets.

What kind of fucked up people have “gender reveal parties”. Seriously. What the hell is this stuff? You’re literally “celebrating” if your unborn child has a penis or vagina. Why are you celebrating unborn genitals? How fucking weird and perverted is this?

What if I threw a party all about my daughter’s vagina. Where we all gathered around, and drank alcohol, had some appetizers, and talked about my infant daughter’s vagina. That’d be weird, right? You’d be concerned about why I’m throwing a party to talk about an infant child’s genitals, right? One might even want to look into if I’m a child sex predator – you know, because I’m TALKING ABOUT AN INFANT’S GENITALS.

Yet, millions of people a year seem to just LOVE these parties.

Personally, my favourite is when they set up some super elaborate thing to blow up and spray blue or pink whatever into the atmosphere. Then, it all goes horribly wrong, and someone ends up dead. Frankly, that’s one less idiot on this earth.

Hey Earl! Let’s make a 50lb home-made bomb, with absolutely no knowledge or training around explosives, then we’ll set it off. Reminds me of the Simpson’s bit – celebrate your nation’s independence by blowing up a small part of it.

I swear, you’ll never catch me at one of these fucking things.

• $5 footlongs
• Video game demos in stores
• Cereal with toys inside
• Friday night trips to Blockbuster video
• Radioshack
• Pizza Hut buffet
• MuchMusic actually playing music videos
• $0.25 wing night
• Privacy

I’ve been thinking. Statistically speaking, it’s conservative men who are the most likely to commit sexual assault on women, and are the most likely to molest children. Double that for Christian men.

Maybe it’s time that we get separate washrooms just for conservative men, because I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with these sexual predators in the same washroom as young boys.

So, basically there’s this app called Stava which maps your runs. Some dude on a French aircraft carrier decided to go for a jog on the deck, and it more or less mapped his run. In the middle of the ocean.

But, what’s most concerning here is that a journalist was able to uncover this. Publicly.

Now, this really isn’t a matter of national security as let’s be honest, all major military powers worldwide have adversary ships tracked down to the inch across the world at any given time. But, what about the average person. You know.. that cute girl down the street? Who goes for a run past your house all the time? Who you start to stalk on the Strava app, without her knowing? And now you know whenever she’s out and about and what she’s doing? Yup. Nothing creepy about that.

Protect your privacy people. Block these bullshit apps. Stop relying on these “free” features so you can play some bullshit exercise game where you compare your runs with your friends. It’s not worth it, because somehow, someway, all of these companies get cracked – someone finds a loophole to extract your data. And if it’s not hackers across the Internet, it’s the company themselves doing nefarious shit with your personal data, selling it to god-only-knows-who, but most certainly your insurance company.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Shut this shit down. This is ruining the world.