Local Jackass

Oh noes, it’s the consequences of my own actions.

This 75 year old Lifelong Republican and 3 time Trump voter just got his 45 year old Venezuelan fiancée detained by ICE. Everything checks out. Old white guy with a ton of money, buys a middle aged woman from another country who could be his daughter, thinks the rules don’t apply to him, then gets upset when the rules do actually apply to him.

“They’re tearing families apart” he says. Except, he really didn’t give a single shit about the tens of thousands of other families who got torn apart, only when they arrested his 45 year old sex toy.

Honestly, the best thing this guy could do is just drop dead. He’d be more useful as fertilizer.

I want to say one more time, but it ended the way it needed to.

Fuck do I ever miss it, though. That was a different world, and it’s impossible to describe to someone who wasn’t there. It was our Club 54. It was our Paradise Garage. It was ours. I was there. I played those jams. It was the first goal I had as a DJ, and I did it on my second ever booking. I played that stage. I lived it, and fuck am I ever grateful for that.

What a time to be alive.

Saudis : “Hey Trump, we know we can’t bribe you directly, so we’re going to bribe your son in law instead”

Trump : “Cool. Let’s do that”

**A Month passes and Kushnir’s scandals aren’t even remembered anymore**

Trump : “Hey guys, here’s this new crypto currency that is totally not a money laundering operation, you can totally buy this worthless shit and I get the money when you do”

Saudis : “Cool, here’s a shitload of money. Uh, got any other ideas?”

Trump : “Durrrrr I look directly at the sun”

Saudis : “That’s cool. Tell you what, do you like this plane. It could be yours”

Trump : “I’m going to call it Air Force Trump”

Also Trump : *Shits pants*

Saudis : “Don’t you think that’s a little on the nose”

Trump : “Want to come to the White House for McDonalds”

Saudis : “Uhh…. We’re a bit busy that day. So, listen, we were thinking of starting a nuclear weapons program and enriching uranium. That’s not going to be a problem, right”

Trump : “Saudi Arabia, one of our closest allies, truly great people. The best people, and I know people. They’re going to be doing nuclear weapons now. The best nuclear weapons. Not as good as ours, but really, and I know nuclear weapons. I know all the best nuclear weapons. Did you know. I can’t say it but I will. I could press the button any time I want and wipe countries off the face of the earth. I don’t. But I could. And you know. We were going to use it on the hurricanes. Those hurricanes. I call them the Democrat Hurricanes because they were caused by the democrats. Filthy people. If they were more like the Saudis, there wouldn’t be any hurricanes”