Thank goodness Zuckerberg’s Facebook and Musk’s “X” is bringing it back. I couldn’t think of two other tech bros who love racism more than those fucks. Of course, “relearn.org” is little more than thinly veiled white christian nationalism. The Catholic Church is little more than a racist terrorist organization at this point.
Don’t believe me? Then why isn’t the church denouncing all of these organizations? They couldn’t give fuck as long as people keep giving them money.
Have you bought anything made by Brooks Brothers, Eddie Bauer, Reebok, Champion in the past 6 or 7 years and thought “this isn’t anywhere as good as it used to be”? There’s a reason for that, and it’s completely planned – of course, by yet another venture capital parasite. It’s a $20 billion company that doesn’t design or manufacture anything, they simply rent the logo out to the cheapest bidder. Quality control is right out the window – it’s little more than a logo stapled to a royalty agreement.
The company is called Authentic Brands Group. Their playbook is to wait for a beloved brand to hit financial trouble, buy the intellectual property, the name, logo, and trademarks. Strip out the designers, factory workers, & quality control, then license the brand name to third-party companies who actually make and sell everything. ABG just sits back and collects royalty checks not giving a rats ass about what is or isn’t actually produced.
ABG’s own IPO filing was shockingly transparent about the whole plan : “We generally do not design or manufacture the products associated with our brands and therefore have more limited control over such products’ quality”. They call themselves “brand guardians” but what they really guard is the trademark. Not the stitching, the materials, or the people who made the thing worth buying in the first place.
Here’s what happens after ABG “saves” a brand. Brooks Brothers was founded in 1818 and dressed 40 presidents. ABG bought it out of bankruptcy in 2020 and launched a cheap diffusion line at Macy’s that reviewers called “a little bit shabby.” Eddie Bauer was bought by ABG in 2021 and just filed its third bankruptcy in February 2026 with all 174 stores closing. Forever 21 was bought out of bankruptcy in 2020 and went bankrupt again in 2025 losing over $400 million in three years and closing all 350 U.S. stores.
ABG doesn’t need the stores to survive. When an operating partner goes bankrupt, ABG still owns the brand. They just find another licensee. The workers all lose their jobs. ABG loses nothing.
And ABG isn’t the only company doing this. Here’s who owns what so you can make informed choices:
Authentic Brands Group: Aéropostale, Arrow, Barneys New York, Billabong, Brooks Brothers, Champion, DC Shoes, Dockers, Eddie Bauer, Element, Forever 21, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Frye, Greg Norman, Guess (pending), Hunter Boots, Izod, Jones New York, Juicy Couture, Lucky Brand, Nautica, Nine West, Prince, Quiksilver, Reebok, Rockport, Roxy, RVCA, Sperry, Spyder, Tapout, Ted Baker, Van Heusen, Vince, Volcom
WHP Global: Toys “R” Us, Babies “R” Us, Rag & Bone, Vera Wang, G-Star, Express, Bonobos, Joe’s Jeans, Anne Klein, Joseph Abboud, Isaac Mizrahi, Warners, Lotto, Lands’ End
Marquee Brands: Martha Stewart, Laura Ashley, Sur La Table, Emeril Lagasse, America’s Test Kitchen, BCBGMAXAZRIA, BCBG, Ben Sherman, Bruno Magli, Anti Social Social Club, Totes, Isotoner, Destination Maternity, Motherhood, A Pea in the Pod, Stance, Dakine, Body Glove
Same playbook everywhere. Buy the name. Gut the product. Collect the rent. That’s capitalism, baby.
I’ve said for years now that the French know how to stage a fucking protest.
Oracle. You may know them. Larry Ellison, the CEO and long time Trump supporter and mega-donor, just laid off 30,000 employees last week. They cited changes in the industry causing them to do this.
Today, they hired a new CFO. Want to guess what their compensation is?
$29,700,000. Yes, $29.7 Million dollars.
Her name is Hilary Maxson. Previously she was the CFO at Schneider Electric where her compensation package was $2.5 Million in 2020, growing each year just a little bit from the previous year until she reached 2025 where she was compensated $2.8 Million.
Prior to this, she was a SVP for Schneider Electric, pulling in about $800,000 annually.
Larry Ellison just paid her over 10x what she was previously making.
Let’s get one thing clear. Oracle (who’s insanely invested in AI, and buying up all the components, which is creating a worldwide emergency shortage of chips, hard drives, memory, and processors) is causing basically everything from baby food to your Netflix subscription to go up in price. They shit-canned 30,000 people, so they can give this worthless sack of fucking skin nearly $30,000,000 a year.
Tell me, Larry. What can this bitch bring to the table that values her at $30,000,000 a year, more than 10x what she was making just a couple days ago?
Fuck it. Add Hilary Maxson to the list of people who should be fucking shot out of a cannon directly into the sun. Don’t worry. I’m not just ragging on her because she’s a woman. That cannon is loaded with a completely disproportionate amount of men over women, and Larry Ellison is near the top of that list.
Welcome to capitalism, baby.
Aren’t you glad Kamala Harris isn’t President. Just think how much worse she would have been as an unstable woman who could get her period. Plus, that weird laugh. Totally unsuitable for President. /s
I’m shocked there aren’t more people just going to walmart, setting up some picnic chairs, cracking a beer and watching the White Trash Olympics.
You’re a young kid. You start walking at 9 months old, way ahead of other infants, and you’re oddly really stable on your feet. The next week your parents decide it’d be fun to put some skates on you and see if you can stand on ice. You shock everyone and you can even slide along the ice without falling. Absolutely incredible.
By the time you’re 5, you’re dominating the hockey league. You can skate like nobody else. Faster, longer, pure speed. But, as you get older, you simply don’t grow beyond 5’9. You’re an absolute superstar, but you just don’t have the size. But godddamm can you skate.
So, you take up speed skating. You take to it like Donald Trump to a new grift. You train in special programs, and by the time you’re 16, it’s clear you’re going somewhere with this. Like, world class good. Your training goes into overdrive. You live at the rink, training, every single fucking day after school and for hours on weekends. You’ve absolutely mastered the sport.
Now you’re at the Olympics. You dominate through the preliminaries. You’re a gold medal favourite. And, that’s when the Gold medal race begins. You whip out to an incredible start, but there’s this one other competitor who’s keeping stride with you. The two of you are miles ahead of the pack and setting records on each lap. Pure dominance.
It’s the final stretch, and the two of you go all out in the last 400m. It’s neck and neck. One out in front, then the other, with barely even inches between the two of you. That’s when disaster hits. You get that VERY familiar feeling of “OH GOD, I need to take a shit RIGHT NOW”. You lose by 0.01 seconds. ONE ONE-HUNDRETH OF A SECOND. Why? Because for just a split second you thought about your colon over what was happening and lost that 1 inch lead you had.
Here’s the kicker. That was an all-time world record that was set. You’re literally the second best person in the whole fucking history of the entire damn world, and you’re literally 1/100th of a second away from being the absolutely best ever.
Imagine that. That’s gotta suck SO bad.
That’s why I always take a good poop before I do anything important. You never know when you’ll be in a gold medal speed skating race.
